What's "The Rule of 3?"

“She’s late! Should I say something?” As a team member, it’s sometimes difficult to gauge when to confront someone over a perceived slight, a forgotten task, or a rude comment. You don’t want to jump down anyone’s throat, but at the same time, certain behavior is just unacceptable. But let’s be honest—you don’t want to be the person that makes everything an issue.

Here’s how can you tell if you’re overreacting (maybe the receptionist really didn’t hear you say “Good morning!”) or if you’re right on the money (how many times has this happened exactly?). Welcome to the fail proof decision zone, otherwise known as the “Rule of Three.”

Harvard Business Review’s Peter Bregman recently wrote an article about how he handles situations at work where coworkers or employers offend him or fail to perform important tasks. Simply put, he waits for a pattern of behavior to emerge before addressing it, in order to make sure that it’s not just a one-time thing. We’ve all had experiences where we assumed something and then that assumption turned out to be wrong. For example, do you really want to accuse your tech of faking a sick day…only to find out she had food poisoning? Exactly.

Using Bregman’s strategy, the first time someone is late, or leaves without finishing their work—note it silently. It could be an anomaly: maybe the car really did break down or they were having a bad day. The second time, Bregman acknowledges that this behavior could be a pattern and begins to look out for future patterns and clues. If the behavior fails to happen again, breathe a sigh of relief…you didn’t come across as overzealous and jeopardize your relationship with this person.

However, if it does happen a third time, it has officially become a trend. As such, it should to be addressed so that it doesn’t quickly spiral out of control. Things like poor customer service, failure to order supplies—these are all issues that should be brought up once they’ve happened three times.

Afraid of confrontation? It needn’t be negative. Bregman calmly says, “I've noticed something three times and I want to discuss it with you.” This way, there is evidence to point to the fact that this behavior is a pattern and not just a figment of your overactive imagination.

Resources
When to Confront Someone: The Rule of Three by Peter Bregman, Harvard Business Review, November 30, 2009.