Ask, Don't Tell: A Coaching Approach to Staff Development

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Striving for servant leadership means recognizing the power of unleashing your team’s creative potential. Each individual has the ability to step up and take initiative when provided with support to develop individual strengths through critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Despite the best of intentions, however, there are typically roadblocks along the way. Consider these scenarios:

Taking on Other People’s Problems
You’re settling in at last to make client follow-up calls when a team member appears at the door. “Can I talk with you for a minute? We have a situation.” Problem solving is right up your alley, so  you listen to a quandary involving the weekend work schedule. When you glance at your watch, 25 minutes have flown by and your opportunity to call clients has evaporated; you know just enough about the problem to realize that you may need to be involved, but not enough to resolve the issue. So you say, “This is really important, but I don’t have any more time to discuss it right now. Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.”

What just happened? Was this team member capable of bringing along some proposed solutions to the problem? Could she even have dealt with it on her own? If so, then you effectively volunteered to do what someone else could have handled by 1) accepting responsibility for the problem, and 2) promising to provide an update on your progress. A series of scenarios like this can easily lead to the feeling of being overwhelmed and burdened with other people’s problems.
When a leader takes on someone’s problems and responsibilities, it can send a message that the other person doesn’t have the skills to handle the situation. This can kill initiative and creativity while everyone waits for the “boss” to make the next move.

Telling Other People What to Do
When a team member approaches you about weekend scheduling, you listen to  his take on the issue and realize that, since other team members are also involved, you need to get their sides of the story. You track down the others and spend a few minutes listening to their opinions. Then you call the group together and tell them what to do to resolve the issue. (You’ve ably handled the problem at hand, but have once again forfeited your chance to make client follow-up calls.)

A few weeks later you find that the problem hasn’t gone away; in fact, it has escalated into a highly charged conflict that is negatively affecting staff morale and productivity, not to mention client satisfaction.
 
What’s going on here? If you are a positional leader in your practice, leadership author Susan Scott would suggest that, “If your employees believe their job is to do what you tell them, you’re sunk.” The reason for this—regardless of whether you’re a formal leader or not—is that telling people what to do doesn’t work!
 
Issuing orders or asking deficit-based questions (eg, “Why didn’t you use the original schedule that I approved?” or “Why is this still happening?”) can trigger the limbic system’s fight-or-flight reaction, creating resistance and making it impossible to access higher-level thinking. When people perceive that they are being confronted in an aggressive way, most will shut down and become even less likely to change. Psychologist Carl Rogers found that even “expert” advice like, “You really need to talk to Toni about this” can actually have the opposite effect.

Reflective Questioning
So if solving people’s problems for them or telling people what to do doesn’t work, what’s the alternative? Supporting people’s thinking and development by asking reflective questions. Typical leaders devote a great deal of time to answering questions, whereas servant leaders devote an exceptional amount of time to asking them.
 
Western culture has conditioned most of us to use telling style in our communications. Telling tends to control conversations, shuts off the flow of ideas, and may trigger combativeness or other forms of self-protection. Telling techniques may create stability, predictability, and uniformity, but they don’t bring about deeper commitment and creative problem solving.
 
Questioning, however, tends to open people up. It stimulates learning, creativity, and understanding. Listening and acknowledging people’s experience helps them find their own solutions to problems.

Get Started
Because any change can be confusing or even intimidating, sit down with your teammates and explain what you’re doing and why. Changing an existing dynamic takes time, but if you stick with it, a culture will begin to develop where individuals accept responsibility, seek solutions, and take positive action.

Thinking back to our two scenarios, here are examples of reflective questions:
• What do you think is most important regarding the weekend work schedule?
• What would be best for the team?
   For the practice?
• What factors or criteria should we take into consideration?
• Where are you stuck?
• How can I support you?

Ask only genuine clarifying questions like, “What staffing solutions have you considered so far?” Avoid challenging questions like, “Have you even thought about getting the whole team involved in this conversation?” or your opinion disguised as a question, for example, “Don’t you think that letting Beth handle this would be best?” A genuine question is one you ask to learn something, like, “I’m thinking it would be good to dial Toni and Beth in on this; what obstacles do you think we might encounter if we did that?”
 
Specify that it’s safe to try but fail. Developing other people’s initiative requires a trusting relationship. To promote trust, reassure everyone that it’s safe to make (and learn from) mistakes.

Get to the Next Level
Excellent leadership isn’t about having all the answers—that’s just ego and habit. You’ll need to step out of your comfortable role of head problem solver and “go-to” person and start developing your team to pick up from where you left off.
 
Some leaders worry that if they encourage others to take more initiative, they’ll appear weak. The first step is to cultivate an inward sense of security that frees you to relinquish direct control and support each staff member’s development.
 
Helping the team develop critical-thinking and problem-solving skills is initially more time-consuming than tackling problems yourself—but it saves time (and your sanity) in the long run. Asking questions will allow you to develop your ability to lead and grow a team that can work efficiently and effectively without constant supervision. And ... you’ll finally be able to find time to make those follow-up calls!
 
Perks of Asking Questions

• Strengthening relationships. Asking questions demonstrates that you’re listening (and actually helps you to listen), which always helps to strengthen relationships.

• Clarifying different perspectives and expectations. The simple act of clarifying and confirming what you understand to be true, and seeing if others have a similar understanding, can eliminate negative consequences.

• Communicating more clearly and completely. An unasked question is a trap door waiting to open under your feet. For example, imagine not asking a client what her desired outcome is for her pet. How will you reach a goal that you don’t know about? Taking time to ask thoughtful questions demonstrates your respect for people and their ideas.