Stop Volunteering

Just recently I was working in a larger practice when the owner came to the back stating he had just received a request from a Brownie Troop for a tour of the hospital. He was “too busy” to do it and asked which one of his doctors would be up for the task. There were two male doctors in the room and three female doctors. No one wanted to do it.

After a long silence one of the women reluctantly put her hands in the air and said that she would take the time to do it -- on her day off. The owner said “Thank you” and left.

Right after that she sighed and said, “I wish I hadn’t agreed to that. I have to bring my car to the shop, my mother is coming into town, and the plumber who is supposed to fix my leaky sink said he needs me to be there when he arrives. I guess I can reschedule him for another day.”

A male doctor empathized with her and said that he had a similar load of personal things to tend to on his day off which is why he didn’t volunteer.

Why is it that women feel this constant need to volunteer?

According to the 2009 Bureau of Labor Statistics, women volunteer (30%) at a much higher rate than men. (23%). Of note was the rapid rise in the rate of volunteerism among working women. According to the Federal Study released by the Corporation for National and Community Service, “Volunteers are more likely to be women than men. In addition, women with children and women who work have higher volunteer rates than other women.”

Why is that? Individuals with the least amount of time (working mothers with children) volunteer the most? How crazy is that?

Are we doing it out of guilt? Do we feel the need to show the world that we can “do it all”? Do we think that no one will do it if we don’t? Are we still buying into old social standards that men work and women volunteer? Who are we trying to impress?

My experience supports the statistics.

On the occasions that I volunteer at elementary school functions (both during the day AND in the evening) there are very few men to be seen. The individuals who help out are comprised of stay-at-home moms and full time working mothers. The same thing holds true at church. Sunday School teachers are mostly women. It is the majority of women, not men, who prepare, cook, and serve food for social functions. Recently I glanced around at our local library and their volunteers…at times I see a man but it is women who overwhelmingly fill these volunteer slots.

I would argue that we, as women, should not stop volunteering, but that we should cut back. If we are employed full time, and we are urged to volunteer, we should first ask ourselves if our equally employed spouse/partner would step up for the job. If he would, great. Sign him up. If he wouldn’t volunteer, why should you?

Men value their time more than women, They are thus more easily able to decline volunteer opportunities that require substantial time commitments. If anything, they tend to give money to a cause.

I say, what a great concept. I tried it out myself with great success. Last year I decided to stop volunteering for everything that came my way at the local elementary school. Instead, I gave our PTA a healthy check. Why should I spend dozens of hours collecting and sorting box tops when I can give them $250.00 that would be more than cover the net total of the entire fund raiser? They were thrilled. (They must hate collecting and sorting box tops more than I do).

I plan to continue in this line of planned giving. It’s not that I have stopped volunteering; it’s that I have refined it and narrowed it to opportunities that directly affect and involve my children. In addition I have practiced saying, “No.” “No” is a complete sentence. I say it in a firm, non-negotiable fashion…without guilt. I have found that the job gets always gets done without my help. I am not committed to some activity that I never wanted to do in the first place and my time is free to spend on things I consider valuable.

Here are some volunteer questions in the veterinary work place which may catch you unaware and challenge your conviction to say, “No.” Do not be caught off guard.

Can you stay late to see another appointment? She was a walk-in/fit in.

Will you come in on your day off to see a client? She only wants to see you but can’t come in on any other day.

Could you perform the services “at cost” because she is a friend?

Would you please volunteer at the low-cost vaccine clinic for economically disadvantaged pet owners this Sunday?

Can you swing by my friend’s house and take a peek at her pet? She lives in your neighborhood. It’s too far for me to drive.

To all these things and more I will say, “No.”

What about you?