10 Scary Things Female Veterinarian Do: Part 2
(Click on the link to read Part 1 of the blog series "10 Scary Things Female Veterinarians Do")
6. Failing to divide and delegate:
Okay, the baby’s father was home for a glorious seven days during and after the birth of the baby. Everyone congratulated him for his commitment and devotion to the family, and for his modern involvement during the birthing process. They have even praised his courage in actually taking the paternity leave his employer offered. He even gave you a Push Present.
But, the childbirth “honeymoon” has now ended. His work week started again. In a somewhat harried tone he told you he loved you, was proud of all that you had done and kissed you goodbye. He then sped off to a long day at work with, what appeared to you, a look of relief on his face.
Now you are alone with the baby and the household for the 8 to 12 weeks you have for your maternity leave. You hope to go back to work, but you feel sidelined with the endless list of feedings, diapers, laundry and cleaning duties in front of you. Suddenly, returning to a demanding, often dangerous line of work is no longer looking so enticing. The reality of having to return to a full time job – something on which you always planned -- seems overwhelming
Stop that line of thinking.
If your partner can hold down a full-time job and have a baby at home, there is no reason that you can not have a full-time job with a baby at home.
If you haven’t done so already, especially after the birth of a child, you and your partner must come up with a division of labor for baby care and household chores. One of the two of you must either do it yourselves, or you must delegate it.
For child care, the responsibilities, all too often land and by default, are laid on the mother. Relieve yourself of that burden.
7. Feeding the infant:
If you are breast feeding, buy a breast pump. Start using it. Don’t wait until your maternity leave is over. You obviously have to do the pumping, but why should you be getting up at all hours of the night, every night, to actually feed the baby? Share the burden by using an odd/even day schedule. You have duty on odd days; he has duty on even days. On your “off” days, consider sleeping in a separate room or wearing ear plugs to keep give yourself the full night’s sleep you deserve.
8. Child care during the work day:
It is so often that I see veterinarian mothers sighing with relief that they found a day care center close to their work. Huh? Why in the world should a mother automatically be the one transporting the child to and from day care and be the one dealing with the myriad of day care issues? I can almost guarantee that the mother did all the research on child care, too. Dealing with child care issues is not just frowned upon in your spouses’ workplace. A veterinarian’s daily job is incredibly stressful and most of our work is interaction with a demanding general public. Clients who are left waiting, or need to be rescheduled, due to chronic child care/day care issues are not going to return. Happy clients are the bread and butter of any practice. How long do you think an owner will tolerate constant unexpected departures? I could argue that a veterinarians schedule actually has much less flexibility in it to deal with child-related issues than does his schedule. Consider finding a day care center near his work place. How about insisting upon it?
9. Daily household chores:
Meal preparation, house cleaning, laundry, and dishes are daily tasks that need to be completed for a household to run properly. According the 2007 Census Bureau, 75% of these daily chores are still being performed by the female even if she is working full time. I say it’s time to put a stop to that nonsense.
If your spouse is unwilling or unable to shoulder his proportionate share of these daily tasks, outsource it. Food services can be used to bring in prepared meals on a daily or weekly schedule. House cleaners can be booked to clean the home once a week. You can hire a lawn service.There are even laundry and diaper services that will come directly to your house to pick up and drop off diapers and clothes. In fact, these days practically any regular household chore, from plant watering to dog walking, can be delegated by outsourcing.
10. Lower your standards during the early childhood years:
If the floor is dusty and doesn’t seem to bother your spouse, leave it that way. If it does bother your spouse, he can pull out the vacuum cleaner and clean it.
If an unmade bed or dirty sink bothers you, ask yourself why? Are you trying to conform to your mother’s or your mother-in-laws high standards? Are you comparing yourself to what you think others are doing? Are you paying too much attention to the media? Did you see one too many television ads showing a woman cleaning out her toilet with a look of ecstasy on her face? The chances are you are trying to keep your house clean for someone other than yourself. Let’s face it. Your baby doesn’t care whether the linen closet is stacked in a color coordinated fashion. Neither should you.
This early childhood time frame is the crucial work force “off-ramp” with respect to the full-time (or even part-time) employment. And trying to maintain two full-time jobs – one at the clinic and one at home – will push you toward the off-ramp. But think about the long-term consequences for you before you leave the full-time work force. Economic independence may not seem important when you are exhausted and your baby is screaming in your ear, but it will become the lifeline you desperately need when life starts throwing curve balls your way in later years. Dividing and delegating and outsourcing child care and household responsibilities is mandatory to maintaining your economic independence.
Men do not consider cutting back or moving out of the full time work force after the birth of a child. In fact, the opposite is true. The Census Bureau says that men put in an average of 2 more hours of work per week.
Think about that. Why should woman behave any differently?
