"How do I watch my wake?"

The following questions were posed during our webinar, "Watch Your Wake." If you missed the webinar, the concept of watching your wake has to do with self-management. If you imagine a boat traveling through still water, the wake is the disruption left behind the boat. This is a great metaphor for how our actions impact those we work with everyday. We all have a wake, and whether it is a positive or negative one is up to us. It is our job to make sure that we're self-managing effectively, so that our actions don't affect our coworkers, family, or friends in a negative manner. You can view the "Watch Your Wake" 60-minute webinar featuring a multimedia presentation and Q&A by clicking here now.

Dear Editor:

How do you assess your own "wake" within the practice? What can I do to improve my wake?

Dear Reader:

First of all, let me congratulate you on even asking the question! For most of us, improving our wake begins with the self awareness that our work behavior may not be as congenial as we'd like it to be and the knowledge that we have the ability to improve it. By opening your mind to the possibility, you've already begun to move in a positive direction. Most of us don't mean to create a negative wake, but we haven't consciously observed ourselves in action. Now is the time to start!

A good place to begin is to ask someone within the office whom you trust how they would assess your wake. Assure them that you honestly want to know and give them permission to give it to you straight. Then, LISTEN! Does what they say jive with your view of yourself and your behavior? This can help you get a sense of how others view you.

Next, try this experiment. Take one day at work as your baseline. Work as usual, but every hour, stop and reflect on your mood, resultant behaviors, and interactions. During each reflection time, ask yourself these questions: Do you notice times when you've felt frustrated, harried or stressed? Did you experience anger or sadness? If so, how did you act with those in the office during that time? What responses did you get from your colleagues and coworkers? At the end of the day, summarize your findings in writing, and read them over. Compare your experience to the feedback you got from your coworker. What does this joint appraisal tell you about your "wake"?

If, like most of us, you sense that improvement would be helpful, try these tips. Make yourself several signs on index cards that say, “Watch your wake today." Put them where you'll see them throughout the day...on your bathroom mirror, on your car's dashboard, and inside the drawer you reach inside every morning. Every time you see the sign, simply urge yourself to behave in a positive and supportive manner, no matter how you feel or what is going on around you. In our leadership training, we use the phrase "choose happy" to remind ourselves that no matter how terrible the day, we choose our behavior and our responses. Once you break the habit of unconsciously "swamping" those around you with your negative emotions, I suspect you will begin to reap the rewards of better work relationships and respect from your peers.

Dr. Ruby

editor@myEVT.com

Dear Editor:

I try to be mindful and sensitive of the feelings of others—but there are times that my “wake” is agitated and stressed—what’s the best way to convey to colleagues that this is an exception, not the norm? When can such actions be irreparable? And how does one apologize and acknowledge that my actions may have been distressing for them, and reassure them that such actions won’t recur?

Dear Reader:

It is apparent from your note that you do care for your colleagues and attempt to manage your office "wake" much of the time. What you are describing are those periodic blow-ups that occur when we are feeling particularly stressed or anxious. For most of us, these signify "red zone" times when our coping mechanisms are stretched to the max, and we know we're one step away from disaster.

When those days, or moments occur, it's important that you recognize them. This takes being mindful of your stress levels throughout the day. One helpful idea is to use a "stress scale." Between tasks, phone calls, or clients ask yourself what your stress level is on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "weekend relaxed" to 10 being "off the charts and ready to blow." When you rate yourself as being over 5 or 6, treat yourself to a long, slow drink of water and several slow, easy deep breaths. Visualize your "stress meter" moving away from the red zone, into the yellow and heading towards green. CHOOSE to let the stress go, and act on that choice.

If you've had a bad day, and know that you've behaved destructively, it is imperative to acknowledge this to the people involved. Let them know that you recognize the fact that you behaved badly or treated them poorly and that you are sorry. Assure them that you are working to improve the way you handle your stress at work. People can be very understanding if this is a rare occurrence, but if this kind of behavior becomes commonplace, they begin to form a negative opinion that is difficult to dispel. As in all aspects of medicine, preventative medicine is the best way to ensure health!

Dr. Ruby

editor@myEVT.com